ahhhhhhhhhhhh. im here. darn. i shld be studying. but im so tired. oh well. tired of studying chinese. darnnn.

sick kid man. so tired. realli moodless today.. but i havent finish with my upper sec chinese. darnn. oh well. mug till late in the night today. err. or maybe. study next morning.

ytd is meet the parents and collection of result slip! dad toked to every cher lorhh! all except mr lee. i dun wan him to tok to that bastardd! well. all the chers din realli complained about mi. ALL EXCEPT LIM SW! haha. and he called mi to giv him a plan or wadsoever. so stupid. and the first qn he asked mi is 'do u wan to stay back another yr? do u wan to go ITE?' sickk! nvm. at least he made mi realise sumthing. at least he realli motivated mi somehow. well. all chers motivated mi larh. and no chers realli complained that i talked alot but instead. they say i shld speak up. alrighhtt. CRAP! ahhas. JJ oso. call mi ask him stupid qns. madd. my head will be rolling on the floor if i do that!

and i needa attend self-study. well. as expected. but in the past, i onli needa attend maths.. and now.. i needa attend all except maths! so glad. but it was ticked, then liquid-ed off. haha. was kinda wondering whether to go.. or maybe go for grp studying instead.

but now. CHINESE! haha. already thinking about going to play, shop and wadever after the chink. Os. even mrs ho told dad that i can play in the afternoon. uhmm.. great. ahhas. already waiting to go out with 4 different bunch of frens which i havent been going out since last yr or 3mths before! haha. but think again. i havent been going out with bee eik and ly for a long long time! ahh. memories of sec 2 life is back! ahhas.

barred frm the computer. but im still here. uhm. today is friday alrightt.

anyway. fantasia won. *sigh* was complaining to frens hu supported diana too. but no avail. she still win alright. oh well. she can sing better much better than diana and i hafta agree to it but shes kinda acting too bimbo? nvm. today in school heard complaints about her too. but, afterall, she won. american vote for her. and we got no rights to do anything.

oh well. chink Os is approaching. kinda sad and scared. gettg nervous. majorr exam. sigh. but i needa get mentally-prepared for sumthing first. tmr's meet the parents and collection of result slip. daddy is gonna tok to every teacher. esp. ms khoo. for my geog results. im dead.

hav a idunnoewad on my tongue. ughh. so pain. and my eyes is swollen. thank god it happens now, not on monday. not ill be totally off for my chink ppr.

anyway. blogging about NE journey. kinda alrightt. was sleeping tho. saw xiaoji in frnt of my dozing off and i follow suit. but was chatting, reading mag and munching on chips secretly. not realli listening. and sam played sum rock music. terrible. and mic k said the singer was very talented. -.- i just dunnoe how to appreciate? i even thought william hung was the one singing. oh well. haha.

kinda miss my regional camp committee members. so long since the last meetg.

finally blogging. wanted to blog on monday but was devastated. yes. results.

cant blog anymore, till 31may? i think so. daddy was angry with my combined humans. results. and i haftastudy hard for chink. everyone dun wan mi to retake. so mugging hard now. uhm. not really. but ill try my best. so tired everyday.

err. just woke up. JUST. lol. slept at 12plus last night. too tired. and u can see the deep deep deep eyebags around my eyes. argh.

watched 'the way home' ytd. sis recommended mi. but i was the one who digged the vcd out. uhm brief description- in korean (but with subtitles), about a boy going to his mute grandma's hse to stay (frm a bigm city to countryside).. thats all? lol. its kinda boring. but the grandma is soo pitiful and gd to him. and i cried. at least i found sumthing to cry. errr`. the amt of tears that rolled down my eyes is incomparable to the other movies that make mi teared too.. sooo soo touched. hais~

and still got loads of movies i wanted to catch after Os. [[ella enchanted(by anna hathaway!!! ahhh!!!)]] , [[13 going on to 30 (by jennifer i-forgot-surname ;X)]] and [[new york minute (by mary-kate and ashley olsen!!)]].. WOW. lalala.

boredd. ltr going ahma's dinner. i wanna wear black. but cannot. hahahaha. can drive ahma into her grave man!

err. early in the morning. im here. thanks to hu? jeannette tan. u can help her thank mi. all becos of the sms and i woke up with onli 5 hrs of slp. ok. she woke im up at 7.24am. and i slept at 2.21am. great. oh wells. going gb. impt meetg. ok. wadever. when is gb ever an unimportant meetg? oh pls. wanna pon but darn. nvm. last meetg.

was sad ytd. so din blog. school was bored. but feedback so.. ugh. i shldnt hav talked about it. sad sad sad.

i shant quarrel. i shant. i shall just pen down everything in my diary. not blog. im insensitive. yes i am. so ill always be, how i can i ever change that. a leopard nvr changs its spots wad. so wadever. maybe u shld as god y he created mi in the first place. im not perfect. yeah for sure. but facts ur stating, excusing im giving. or wadever u may wan it to be. im sick. im tired. im stressed up by midyr and the huge blow given to me ytd. maybe all u can say is retribution. but simply wadever. i realli cant be bothered. this friendship is gonna end here. its simply a d u h. and it will be blown off by the wind like that and after this yr, that will be the past and i hav nvr known u. maybe u and i will just pray/hope/wish that we will nvr end up in the same place next yr. and maybe i shld jolly well thank you. for the stuff u given to me. for the fun. for making mi relaise all this. and wadever i shld thank for. and rest assured i will return you wadever u wan back next wk. wadever u may think this post will mean. acting pitiful or WADEVER. we jsut go our seperate ways and we nvr knew each other. just simply a clasmate which i nvr tok to for my whole life.

here i am blogging in the middle of the night. errrr. i cant get to slp. after weeks of slping at 2, used to it. damn. i wanna slp at 10, but i lay on the bed till 11 so i watch tv and here i am. boreddd.

well. daddy is *speechless*. i dnnoe wads wrong with him, or i think.. mi.

he: *takes a glimpse at my rm and saw the mess,implying that i nvr touch anything today* wendy, wad date issit today?
mi: *playing gb* i dunnoe. and im not interested to noe.
he: today is 20may u noe.
mi: i am not interesteddd!!!
he: u better strt studying.. 11more days u noe.. and u are wasting ur whole day in frnt of the comp..
mi: arghh.. but i just finish my exams YESTERDAY!!!
he: but seeing ur mid-yr ppr u shld noe the preperations uve done..
mi: OK FINE. ill start studying next wk alright!!
he: u better study as soon as possible blahblahblah.
mi: next week is fast enuff! my brain is BURST and going HAYWIRE!

oh gosh oh gosh. chink. chink. chink. is gettg mi crazee. all i aim for is a B3 and he, A1, A2. and wad he compare mi with.. my sis. a sis who normally get B for chink. and he said.. "u can get A de.. u see ur sis.. last time oso always get D.." D! omg. and my sis shouted "i dun mind him saying about mi so u can get higher grade."

fine fine. i told him theres gb this week and all he said was.. "u wan mi to be ur 'doctor'?" who i wish the sentence i said was tmr need to go school. fine. still wondering whether to go gb nots. kinda bored but.. aiyah.

ok wendy. stop thinkin. let ur brains rest. it needs slp. well, it has slept for 2 whole day. uhmm.. 16hrs. and afternoon naps. well. enuff fun. enugff sleep and off i hafta study for a week more. and monday and uhhh. back to studying for prelims again. *groans*

i did hsework today! finaly alright.. after weeks and months! ahahas. and all i did was to sweep the floor. no big deal anyway. sis has been doing everything. lol. too bad. u are having ur longg longg hols and im having my exams. so u shld jolly well help mi out right? as u said. im pampered wad. frm young, the maid pemper mi till now. soo, uhh. i change how spoilt i am. saddd.

and i wanna pon school tmr. no use la. we cant get back our pprs and feedback for wad? urgh. but daddy sae must go. HOW CONTRADICTORY. i din ask him to write letter for mi for gb and he wants to. how good he is. but he aint willing to write for tmr. oh wells..

but i think im gonna gif him a chance to write this saturday. i need a break. gb is nothing for mi anymore. well. shall see shall see..

OH WELL. so pissed. nvm. i shane be pissed. no one is prefect. and u cant be prefect. so stop despising ppl. cos uve got utterly no rights to despise others. maybe u shld change ur mindset. yaya. wadever. maybe IVE GOT NO RIGHTS TO SPEAK TO YA LIKE THAT. ya. im ill-bred. so im low in everything. and ive got no rights to hav such a fren like u anyway. wadever. but all i hafta say is uve got no rights to say about how i tok to my dad cos u certainly noe nuthing about others background. and i din despise poly for goddamnit sake. and just for ur info, ive chosen a course i wan to go in poly. and i made my final decision of not going jcs other than mjc alright. i cant get in and im in poly. no matter if i can get 20pts and above. unless daddy is realli realli forcing mi into one. cos i noe my abiliy and how i might suffer if i got into one jc by chance.so i think. u better stop making comments. or if ya want. i cant control ur mouth. wadever u sae i am. i just cant be bothered. all i hafta say is that we hav nvr ever been in good terms and i knew it all along. backstab or wadever? ok fine. thats the past but do u think i can forgot tt? not ever. everyone has memories alright. and certainly everyone will rmb all the negative pts. wadever u say wadever u think wadever u type. i certainly cant comment. thats the end forever.

i think im dead. for no apparent reason. urhm no.. im dead cos i m. my lit is still gone case.weee! lol. no time to writtee finish! sickk` pls lor. how to finish a passage-based and essay in 1h20min. urgh. nvm.

amaths was alright. at least i noe i got 10/80 marks right? haha! 10/80 and im gleaming with joy. lol. the graph is so lucky. needa draw straight line graph and i think 1/y very nice so i plotted 1/y against x and bingggo! i got a straight line graph. hahha! and aquilah plotted the same. and im relieved. yes i am. ahas. but not for the others. the ppr was difficult. i din solve polving identities. and when i tie up the ppr. thats when i realise. 4marks. hu cares.

okie. a day more. tmr is utterly unimportant but counted. ahhas. no use studying twice. maybe, flip sum formula book, do sum MCQs and im done. hahas. realli dun wanna study liao wor. tmr maybe come home slp whole day again. soo tired. hav been slping at 2 or 3 everyday. urgh. and meet the parents session. mans! ms khoo is surely gonna complain to mi. and other chers. urgh. and my hp will be confiscated ONCE AGAIN.

gosh. im dead. onli read abit of amaths and lumber room. the shortest story in twentith century short story. im dead im dead. slping at 3 again. i think. argh.

went out for dinner ytd. saw wenshan. and my uncle thot i am from the same class as him. and i merely replied 'different la.. he from 4-1, im frm 4-3' hehe. then got tempted. uncle called to starve till next sunday. cos he said that the food at the dinner will be great. ahmas birthday dinner. siann.

uhm. todays chemmie is gone case. once again. lots of qns i forgot the formula. im dead. seriously. all i can fail for this exam is lit. hahas. so struggling hard for amaths.

What month should you have been born in?
Made by Erin @ Bored Now

seriously. i think i shld be born in june. not july.

well. havent been studying. too lazy to do so. so.. watch vcds. AGAIN. i finish watching the whole set. the whole afternoon. on the bed. watching vcds. slacker sia.. lol. woah. greaaatttt lightening. lol. anyway. the story is soo kewl. uhm. the girl is kinda the same as mi. bottled up feelings. for different reasons.

anyway. i dun feel like tokking to anyone. not today. cos of sum.. lil problems. so. maybe im on msn but.. away. yarhs.

ciaoo.

[[ maybe i shld be the one saying sorrie. i din say it is ur fault. stop apologising. it'll make mi feel guilty. if u wan to do so, then continue on. i noe myself. or maybe i dun. or maybe i shld thank you. for all that u told mi alright. im sorry for the things that happened this afternoon. but i need time to get back to myself. but i cant assure u. ill be mi again. maybe ill just shut up and be enclosed with 4 walls. i wish i can. but i cant. i will nvr be my old self. i dun think i will. ]]

urhh. y am i here so early in the mornningg! damn. all beocs of youu. the sing post man. delieve wad stupidd modem. make mi awake soo early. and he aint here. damn. home alonnee. sis is out. finee. stuck stuck stuck. i cant get out of the hse.

well. ytd was a day for slacking! after all the hardwork *ermm* i guess soo. and yarhs. left lit ppr2, amaths ppr2, sci ppr3(chemmie!), emaths ppr1 and sci ppr1. ok great. im not gonna study for emaths ppr 1 and sci ppr1. sci ppr 1 is MCQ. and im sick of it. so sick lorhs. dun wanna put the ppr together and i hafta study twice for amaths, twice for sciences, and twice for emaths. and im not gonna do so. well. but hafa study for amaths. i am totally clueless about differentiation. all the stupid e in and log coming up. i dun even noe how to convert, neither solve. damn.

arhh. slack slack. not gonna slack anymore dudee! lol. ,must studyy today! lol. watched 'xun yi cao (lavender)' ytd. nice sia. havent finish watching. onli watch till disc 5.. so purplish lorh. cos its lavender. heh` and i love the opening song. so cool. i din noe it was xu shao yang hu sang it.

ok great. stuffed myself with titbits and vcds ytd. soo shiok. nvm touch my books at all. seriously. i din even get into my room. except to change and put down my bagg. lol. so tired now. watched 5 vcds plus bigFATliar ytd. slept at 3? 2? dunnoe. lol. but i hafta study today. chemmie! eee. chemmie sucks helllaa big time. i dunnoe counting the stupid mole. i dn feel like memorising the acid bases and salts. ugh.

well. i think im off to watch vcds again. maybe. gna finish the whole show this weekends. dun feel like studying liao. haha. so i guess. breakfree at tues? cos im not gna study for emaths and sci ppr1. :P

moved moved moved. this blog is cuter,nicer,smaller,weirder. well. its always weird. cos its mine. anyway. havent started studying lit. i seemed as tho i hav break free from my exams stress. after todays ppr. 3hrs of slp aint enuff to last mi now. *yawns* i wanna slp moree. moreee.

urhhh. ppr was. wadeverr. i dunnoe wads wrong with my health now. im totally. OH WELLS. i can stand any longer. im feeling hot when i am in an aircondition room. im feeling cold in the shawwhall. i think my body is against mi too. im such a freak. amaths ppr is uhm. i realli dunno wad to say. struggled my way thru.
but i just hope, hope for the better.

all i need is ample rest. or maybe, sleep and nvr be awake again.

___________________________________________________
im a totally failure. but god made mi this way. so wads with me then. maybe in just forever in the wrong. in the midst. just gif mi a car, with its air condition on, and let mi slp in it forever. i dun wanna live in this chaotic world no more. that aint my life. i wanna go to mars. be the only human soul there. and thats wad i wan my life to be. like Vashti in the machine stops. isiolated every now and then. im just rotting. and turning white. i cant my life any longer. god made mi for a reason. and he wouldnt tell me the reason. and this is still me. im too puzzled. and no one know mi well. only my diary does. only my bed does. cause im only pouring out my feelings to them. my tears. my sorrows. how things pierce thru my hrt. broken forever.

its not mi. im nvr mi. all the smiles and luffters. just to brighten up my day. cause its just that, i cant attept reality. life is full of ups and downs. but whenever is my life gonna be up again? till my parents get together once again? that will never happen. its not gonna happen. no one noes me well. no one. not a single human soul on earth. cause im isolated. i dun mind being lock up in an isolated room. i dun mind. cause i prefer my life that way. im not changing. no more. cause im utterly, lifeless.
its not gonna be me anymore. no more. cause im in a totally different world. since im in sec4. its just. a different world.

daddy, i dun think i can hold on anymore. sorry for wasting your income on my studies, daily necessities and milk powder. i can see the worry in your eyes. and im trying my best. i can feel wad u are thinking after looking thru all the numerous mistakes i did for my chin ppr. im ur daughter. i knew it all. i know u are always there to encourage mi. tell mi again and again 'that my std is not far from sis'. but i cant achieve ur goal, since sec 1. my life has been change. but i will hold on. till the end.

great. english ppr is soo greaaattt. cos im flunking again. certainly. oh pls. wad can i write for a narrative story that has the title "Music"? racking my brains and before i knew i could get myself to write the first word on ppr, its 8.15. grrreeeeaaat. 15mins wasted. neednt sae abot compre. its totally a gone case.

chink. is tmr. dahh big day. the day which ive been waiting impatiently for. finally im able to pour out all the useless words. totally a waste of time. studying 4 yrs of chink. onli to get the 20 pathetic marks out of 200. and certainly, making mi get further and further awie frm my other more impt subjects, which will affect my prelims. HOW GREAT IS CHINK. and ive still got a book (includes A n B) to study. im gonna burn midnight oil today. ive yet to read any model compos too. im sick of chink. tired of it. but how great, i still gotta study after mid yr. 10 days ltr is Os. how great. how i wish im ing tk now. no mid year. arghh.

im getting crazy. my mind can no longer squeeze in chink. words. just hope i dont fall ill tonight. not ill commit suicide. ha ha.

err yuck. im finally back. whatever. hell loads of things happened. every cher is snatching for the double period ytd! the moment they come in..they was lk.. 'u guys hav loads of free periods today right?' and we will reply 'taken'. hah. actually was taken by mr lim *dah prinnncipall!* and blardy broomhead snatch it awiee. grrs. wadever. still bombarding myself with chinese words today. as usual. balme myself for not starting earlier. sucks. havent started on sec3 words. just managed to squeeze 6 chaps of sec1 words into my mind. and 1 sec2 chap. bleahh. and guess wad i lost my sec1B handbook. greaaattt. i lesser bk to study. cant buy them in pop u see. all becos of u juniors. newbornnn babees. stupiddd change of syllabus. make mi fume. pfftt. anyway. i havent started on any other subjects. seriously, im doomed. im doomed. ss is just a wk awie. chem,phy,geogy,emaths,amaths,lit is a week and a teeny more days awie. and i havent started on any. muahahas. greeeaattt. all becos of chink. and me being so playful. bleahs. im gonna study soon. at 10? i slept again. too tired. just plop onto my bed. and i dun even rmbed walking into my room. greeaaattt.